Language and Ego

Does your ego get in the way of acquiring a second language?  Mine does.  And I believe that lots of us allow ego to take control of our brains, especially when we attempt to speak a new language.

Some synonyms for "ego" are "self-esteem," "self-respect," and "self-confidence."  Cambridge Dictionary Online defines ego as the idea or opinion that you have of yourself, of your level of ability, and your intelligence.  Why does the attempt to learn a new language come into conflict with your ego? 

I know that my Spanish language abilities have become increasing rusty over the years.   I decided to take a step to force myself to speak more Spanish by joining a group of about fifteen adult learners at a local university for the short course, "Spanish Conversation Storytelling." 

We were a quiet group on our first day of class, staking out preferred seating spots and table companions.  The instructor gave an introduction to the course, using clear, comprehensible Spanish. Then she asked us to raise our hands if we understood everything she had said, most of it, or very little of it.  I tentatively (but proudly, I must admit), raised my hand with the "everything" group. 

A little later, the instructor asked us to divide ourselves into groups, corresponding to the three groups previously identified, Beginning, Intermediate, and Advanced.  I could feel ego at work as I debated over joining Intermediate or Advanced.    And I could sense tension in the room as others made their decisions also. Should you join a higher group and put yourself at risk of not knowing as much as the other members, or should you play it safe and be the star pupil of a lower ability group?   I decided to go for it and joined the Advanced Group.   

Four of us identified ourselves as Advanced Learners.  We tentatively started speaking Spanish, trying to calm our egos by determining our own level of speaking ability compared to our companions (jockeying for position, so to speak).  And I noticed that each of us was making disclaimers as to our Spanish speaking ability, just in case anyone would expect us to be a fluent speaker. 

One person said she had lived in Central America, but that since returning to the United States, had not had the opportunity to speak very much Spanish.  Another person said she was of Hispanic background, but that her family always spoke English, so she didn't feel that she was a strong Spanish speaker.  Another person said he had been in the process of studying Spanish for ten years.  And as for me (ego taking strong hold here), I neglected to tell the group that I had done a Master's degree in Spanish many years ago and had taught Spanish for quite a few years, but that the most recent language I had taught was Portuguese.  I suppose I should have revealed my language background so they would be more understanding when I let Portuguese influence my Spanish (which happens more often than not).  Every group member was wrestling with ego  when confronted with the necessity of speaking a second language.

I worried about my accent in Spanish.  I worried because I can't produce a good Spanish rolled 'r'.

I worried about words I didn't know the Spanish equivalents of, like shirt collar and nanny.  I worried because it appeared that my advanced companions were not understanding all of what I said.  I worried when I caught myself making an error.  My ego was taking a beating, and I'll bet my ego was not the only one in the room suffering.

For our next class, I may take along a copy of this quote to help in taming my ego.

They say "to learn another language is to have another soul."  Maybe my second, Spanish speaking soul, will be more interested in communicating with others than in feeding an insatiable ego!